Purpose In Your Singleness
There are so many different forms of love and the month of February makes us think about the many ways we show love and receive love from others. There is friendship, agape, romantic, self, playful, familiar, and enduring.
This week I’m excited to announce we have a guest blogger who is a very dear friend of mine, Candace Cofer. We met through a Compel Writing group and instantly connected. We may not live in the same state or have even met in person, but there is a bond that will never go away between us.
Candace’s story is so touching and endearing. I asked her if she would share a little bit with us this week. She speaks on how God has shown her His enduring love through hard times in her life. God has loved her and taught her the importance of love regardless of your stage in life. I know you will benefit from her beautiful story regardless of where you are in your life.
The Couch On The Side Of The Highway
By Candace Cofer
Have you ever seen a couch on the side of a busy highway?
Every once in awhile I'll see this and wonder how it got there. Well, okay, so we all know how it got there. That's obvious. Someone put it there, either by accident and it fell out of the load or because of an accident and they could no longer carry their load.
So it's not so much how it got there but why is it still there?
This is the type of common question Larry David could likely write an entire sitcom around. I'm no Larry David so I'm not going to try, but when I see this I do wonder why is it still there? Is someone coming back for it?
As I sit down to write a few thoughts down on my season of singleness, this was the thought that came to me - a couch on the side of a busy highway.
Some of you may know exactly what I mean by this. For others, it may sound strange, so let me explain.
Being single as a twenty or thirty something feels like this.
You feel alone, out of place and like someone has forgotten about you.
You can easily get caught up sitting and watching everyone else's life passing by. You may begin to wonder if your own life is passing you by.
Ah, that's a scary thought, because it may be true. Your own life may be passing you by ...if - and this is a big if - if you are waiting for something - maybe a status, job, title, salary, or relationship - for your life to begin.
I can say this because I've been there. I remember being in my early twenties and thinking, "Oh, one day I'll do this and one day I'll do that." My intentions were pure. I dreamed of sharing these experiences with someone special. But the only problem was that someone special was not in my life yet.
Two weeks before turning twenty-three, I spent ten days in Italy. Somewhere between the gelato and the statues of David and the Sistine Chapel and the gelato and the Coliseum and the gelato and the gondola ride in Venice - oh, and the gelato... Did I mention we ate gelato? Mmk, just checking. We had so much gelato. It's probably a good thing we went when I was twenty-three and not twenty-nine because I'm not so sure my waistline would be so forgiving these days.
But somewhere between all of this gelato and the adventures in Italy, something shifted in me. I began to realize my life was not waiting to begin. My life was happening right now, and if I kept putting things off, I would miss the sweetness this season of life had to offer.
The rest of my twenties looked much different than those first two. I took the job, went on the trips, moved to a new state, jumped out of a plane, joined a new church, bought a house, flipped the house, fell out of the ceiling (true story), repaired the ceiling, changed careers, surprised myself with Most Valuable Rower award only to catch a gnarly crab the next season, met some incredible women and children in Honduras, went on some unimpressive dates, went on a few impressive dates, opened my heart to love, found myself heartbroken and wondering if I'd find that kind of love again, and continued practicing leaning on God.
And you know what? I wouldn't change anything. Sure, the heartbreak was awful. Like really awful. There's never a good time to end a serious relationship but the weekend before quarantine, yeah, that's got to be the worst.
That Monday I was sent home from work and told I'd be working from home. It was bittersweet. Normally, I'd jump at this opportunity. Now, I just wanted to be somewhere other than my house and forget about the love I'd known and lost.
Moments later, I found out my church would be worshipping from home. I wouldn't be able to blend into the crowds to not feel so alone right now.
"That's okay," I thought, "I'll get back to rowing and go on a ski trip over Spring break and be back to my normal self in three weeks."
Nope. Rowing cancelled and ski resorts closed.
That night I sat on the barstool at my kitchen island and felt so empty. I had given the
relationship my all and it still was not enough. Why didn't he love me?
I felt led to write down a prayer. I used to journal my prayers but had simply fallen out of the habit. My heart raw and empty, I didn't think I'd have anything to say, but I grabbed a plain, white piece of paper and started writing.
The Holy Spirit met me there and the words came. I committed 40 days to prayer. Those 40 days changed my life. God healed my heart. He didn't just put me back together, He restored me better than I was before. I realized how I was able to connect deeper with God through writing and He breathed a new purpose into me.
Now, four books written and a year and half worth of blogs, I haven't stopped writing since.
There were days and days and days ahead of learning how to be single again. Being late twenties at the time, most of my friends were married and starting families. Even going to church alone was an adjustment. I learned I could either give into the insecurities the enemy was throwing my
way or I could step out in purpose and remember maybe going to church is not about me. Maybe it's not about Candace sitting by herself, but maybe this gives me the unique opportunity to find "the one." Not "the one" who I would want to date or marry, but another person sitting by his or herself in need of a friendly conversation.
I could be there for them. Maybe God could use me to give someone else hope.
Insecurity keeps our eyes on ourselves. It breeds comparison when we look at others, stealing
our joy and breathing lies of what we think we lack.
Purpose keeps our eyes focused on God. It breeds intentionality when we look at others, growing our joy and breathing truth of what God has generously given us.
Friend, if you're in a season of singleness, I want to speak truth over you today. You are not the couch on the side of the busy highway. You are not alone, out of place or forgotten. Rather, you have been planted. You are placed here on purpose for a purpose. God doesn't need you but He wants to use you to do great works in His name for His glory. We can only join Him in this when we have our eyes fixed on Him.
Today, I leave you with this hymn. I pray this becomes an anthem for you these days and the days ahead. Though a relationship or the other things we seek may come, fixing our eyes on Jesus is a practice we need in every season of life. Practicing this now is a gift few open.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim In the light of his glory and grace
Our strength grows as we remember our worth is defined not in a relationship status but in our relationship with Christ. Our joy grows as we fight the enemy's invitation to insecurity and step into the purpose God has for our lives. Our peace grows as we turn our eyes upon Jesus and begin to look at those He has placed around us through the lens of grace, and we find rest as we trust His goodness and His timing in all things.
The good life, well it starts with a good day. Then another. Then another. Let's choose to live #TheGoodDay one day at a time.
ABOUT CANDACE
Hi! I'm Candace, a serious ef-ficionado.
You read that right. Efficiency enthusiast.
7:30am grocery shopper. 2pm marathon napper. 10pm Office watcher. Learning how to slow down and be here, thankful to be a work in progress.
Lover of puns and family because both provide the unexpected laugh. Chaser of creativity, adventure, and the perfect chocolate chip cookie. A wannabe gardener with no green thumb and a kindergarten teacher at heart.
Redeemed, forgiven, and loved child of God.
As founder of The Good Day ministry, I am passionate about Jesus and people, inspiring others to grow in their knowledge and love for Jesus and experience God in the ordinary happenings of their days.
Wanna know more?
Read the blog, it’s all in there.
Or follow me on Spotify, Instagram or Facebook!
CAN DAC E C O F E R author + speaker
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