Lord, I Need You

“Lord, I need you, Oh I need you.

Every hour I need you.”

Matt Maher

It was in the dark hours of the night. I couldn’t sleep. The darkness of fear surrounded me. Earlier that day my husband and I got the news that his cancer had returned and all I could do was replay the news over and over in my mind. My thoughts were consumed with what we were about to face. The challenges coming our way, the battle we were about to walk into. If I’m honest with you, I was full of fear that my husband might die this time around.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you had nights you were so full of worry and fear of what is to come that the idea of closing your eyes and getting a restful nights sleep is a million nights away?

My emotions were all over the place. I was grieved with sadness that our family was going through a cancer battle again, but I was also angry. I was mad that God allowed my husband to be sick again. I did not understand God’s ways. As I lay in bed next to my husband, who by the way was sleeping soundly next to me, I knew my body could not rest that night. I did not see me going to sleep in these dark hours, so I crept out of bed. I left all the lights off in the house and went to our front room. I knew I needed to talk to God, but I had no idea what to say to Him. Was I supposed to shout angry obscenities at Him or was I supposed to sit and beg that He would save my husband’s life once again? Those were the only two options I thought there were. I sat on the chair for a few minutes and just said Jesus’ name over and over. He spoke to me on that cold, dark night. My Savior told me to sing to Him, to praise His name. I began singing “Lord, I Need You” by Matt Maher.

“Lord I come, I confess

Bowing here, I find my rest

Without You, I fall apart

You’re the one that guides my heart.

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour, I need you

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need you.”

These words fell into my head like snowflakes falling onto a pond. My head soaked the words up and they streamed out of me straight to God. What I needed was not shouting or pleading, it was to get on my knees and rest in God’s loving arms. He wanted to hold me on that dark, lonely night and remind me He was there for me. He reminded me that every hour of our journey, He would be there. He was and is our defense, our righteousness; without Him our family would fall apart. He was our guide through the dark forest called cancer. I needed to say, “I need you, Lord.” I needed to be reminded that I don’t have to do it alone.

Are there times where you are at a loss of what to do? Can you just not find the words to say to God? It doesn’t matter what you are going through, call out His name! The name that is full of power, justice, righteousness, comfort, peace, healing, and rest. He will give you what you need. He will fulfill you in a way you didn't even know you needed. Romans 8:26, tells us the Spirit helps us when we are too weak to speak. When we do not know what to pray, “the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Isn’t that profound! All we have to do is go to Him on bended knee, full surrender, and He will provide our needs.

God provided exactly what I needed that night. After a few minutes of singing softly and praising God, I walked back to our bedroom, climbed into bed, and went straight to sleep. I woke up the next morning ready to face what was coming our way because I knew our family was not alone. God was walking with us every step of the way, even carrying us when we were too weak to walk. I knew our God would never forsake us because we needed Him, every hour we needed Him.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:2-3

Digging Deeper:

What is keeping you up at night?

What attribute of God are you needing the most right now?

What can you do on those nights you cannot sleep because your mind is racing with what is to come?

P.S. Do not worry, Doug’s cancer has not returned! This happened in 2016 when he relapsed. 😊 He is still cancer free!! Thank you, Lord!